Despite not writing, I have done a great deal of reading. Between books, articles, blog posts, status updates, tweets, and private messages I've taken in enough information to "choke a horse." Whatever that means.
When I really think about it, I do feel choked. Strangled. Left struggling for breath. Unable, despite many attempts, to exhale words that might be insightful or meaningful to someone else. It seems that I've been at a perpetual loss.
I have felt stuck.
It would be hard to count the number of times that I have considered deleting this blog. There is not enough space on this page to share the titles that I have batted around in an effort to refocus my thoughts in a way that would make them meaningful to a reader.
It has been a real battle.
My mind has been bombarded. And, of course, when you read what all of the so called "experts" have to say about blogging, it's enough to make your head spin.
Need I tell you that choking and spinning are a horrible combination?
Why don't I just write? That is the question that has gone through my mind over and over again. And it seems that, perhaps, I've finally stumbled upon the answer. Perhaps you can relate if you are struggling as a blogger these days.
I don't write because of LIES.
Here are a few of them:
- You need to wait until you find your voice.
- If your posts aren't perfect, people won't read them.
- Everyone else's writing is so much better.
- Why waste people's time, including your own?
- Wait until things come together.
- You're life is too messy to share.
- What makes you an expert?
- Who cares what you have to say?
You're. A. Fake.
Hmmm. I am many things that I don't care to be, and I am not many things that I would like to be. There are times when I act and behave in ways that are hypocritical. For every instance when I "get it right" there are zillions of times when I "get it wrong." In short, I have not arrived.
But does that mean that I am a fake?
Someone who has a false or misleading appearance; a person who is fraudulent. One that is not authentic or genuine; a sham. (The Free Online Dictionary) I certainly hope not. Because, I want to be real.
So here is the deal.
I am going to start writing again. Despite the fact that I'm flying blind without a direction for this blog, I'm picking up my pen. Not knowing if the title is going to change, or the design will stay the same, I will begin the search for my voice.
It seems to have gotten lost above the cacophony of others near and far. It's been hidden among a pack of lies. Falsehoods that I have embraced as truths which have been burrowing in my head, like an unmanned engine at a busy train station. They've threatened to silence one of the things that God has given to me.
The ability to communicate.
Lies can take on a life of their own if we allow it. Weaving endless strands of fiction in our minds until we know longer have the ability to see through the illusions, they can be quite persuasive. But TRUTH, especially God's Word, is a powerful weapon against them.
God's Word, His promises, and His love have the power to shatter the lies that we believe.
What lies are you actively believing? What illusions have power over you at this moment? What holds you down and pulls you back as you try to move forward in life? You can be certain it's not God. He encourages His children. He empowers and equips them. He doesn't withhold from us until we "get it all right."
And when necessary, He brings us to our senses. I am not the most literate person on the planet. I don't feel like an "expert" on any given subject. There is a lot of struggle in my life. I'm not the best reflection of Jesus Christ.
But, I'm no fake.
With all that is in me, I want to live a life that glorifies God. That is my greatest goal. It's what keeps me up at night. Trying to know just how that will look to God and to others. I want to use my gifts and talents for Him. Even if they don't look the same as someone else's, and most of the time they don't, it's my desire to use what I have to the best of my ability.
To do so means untangling a nasty web of lies.
Thankfully, I don't have to do that alone. Neither do you. Our Father is willing to help. All we need to do is ask Him. Don't know where to begin? I'll help us to get started. Meditate on these words and make them your prayer.
"May love begin to disclose the lies, to unweave the fictions of your life & the many illusions that have held them together, rendering them lifeless, consigning them among voiceless and forgotten things." David Teems
Let it be done in our lives, Lord Jesus, author and finisher of our faith!