December 2, 2010
I’m going to attend Deeper Still event which features teachers Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, and Pricilla Shirer. I’ve never met any of them. Most likely, in this lifetime, I never will. But then again, for me, this journey is not about people, places, or things. It is about an insatiable desire to understand more about the Living Word—Jesus. I want to go deeper still.
As I’ve prepared for this trip I’ve been experiencing horrible back pain Many times I've considered abandoning the plan. Today as I was walking the indoor track at the recreation center, at the speed of a turtle, I questioned the whole thing again. I’m going someplace I’ve never been, to be with people I’ve never met, to hear people I’ve never heard—why am I doing that? Because of what God said to me during my walk. It’s time to take the plunge.
I immediately envisioned a huge swimming pool. The water was so deep I couldn't see the bottom. There was also an enormous diving board. It was intimidating. People were splashing around near the edges of the pool and generally having a good time. Suddenly, out of the blue, a woman slowly and deliberately walked out to the very end of the diving board. She stood for a moment, positioned herself, and with perfect form dove in to the water headfirst. All chatter silenced as the sounds of the splash echoed from wall to wall. All eyes were on the water as they waited for the diver to emerge. Time seemed to stand still until finally her head popped up and then the rest of her body. She was drenched, soaked, dripping—wet from head to toe.
There was instant pandemonium. All of the people who had been playing around in the pool suddenly wanted to dive in too. Whether from the diving board or the sides of the pool they were no longer content to be partially emerged. They all wanted to go deeper still.
The problem with the plunge
For me the desire to go deeper still is only hindered by one thing—fear. This event is far outside of my comfort zone. As a matter-of-fact it is not something I would normally ever consider going to alone. Women’s events are meant to attend with other women, right? Well I tried that line on God but it didn’t carry much weight. God has repeatedly prompted me to push past my fear, lack of control, and discomfort and go. How can I NOT obey?
Taking the plunge
I really have no idea of what God has planned this weekend. He has repeatedly reminded me to prepare my heart. I’m diving into uncharted waters without any advanced lessons. Interestingly enough, I'm not a fan of diving boards. As a result this analogy has not been overly soothing.
Fear is a horrible foe. It robs us of so many things. Tonight it may rob me of some sleep. Time will tell. There is one thing that it cannot take away from me. Fear cannot steal from me the insatiable desire for more of Jesus. Well, let me rephrase that. It could, but I won’t let it. I’m going to walk the plank (smile), position myself, and dive in headfirst at this event. I need more of Jesus in my life. I have to be fully emerged in His truths, drenched with His Spirit, and soaked with His love.
Desire trumps fear
I need a radical change. I want to possess something that people will strongly crave or desire. Once before in my life in a similar situation I made the choice to obey despite my discomfort. It paid off big and I’ve never been the same. So, I’m going to dive in and let God handle the rest.
Lord, take me deeper still!